What I learned by Living with a Serial Killer
It has killed 10 million people. Butchered. Sometimes blown to pieces. It breaks people. It makes people. On its own, it can maim and kill. But with it’s friends and family, it can leave you alive in the scorching sun to suffer. It can also bring immense joy and peace. I know people who serve it with serene calm and devotion.
I am speaking of the most misunderstood emotion: Jealousy. And I have lived with it all my life.
Before you read ahead, I want you to think of whatever or whosoever you are jealous of right now. The people who are travelling around the globe and posting photos on Facebook. Friends who humblebrag about their internships and jobs. The girl with the best dresses and cosmetics. The one with fair complexion who seems to be the center of attraction of wherever she goes.
One by one, picture them inside the eye in your head: smiling and laughing at you. Does it make you angry? Does it make you hate them?
It makes me angry and hate them. My best friends. For no fault of theirs. Or mine. Then I hate myself for hating them.
It makes me angry and hate them. My best friends. For no fault of theirs. Or mine. Then I hate myself for hating them.
They have not walked in my shoes and I have not walked in theirs. They have worked hard and smart to achieve what they have achieved. Even if they have parents who can support their dream, who am I to judge?
Sometimes, they just get lucky. But only sometimes. More often at the times that matter.
On a conscious level, I understand the irrationality of my thought process. But deep down inside, I am still jealous. Is that a bad thing?
Jealousy is a powerful emotion. I do not know where it comes from. Some wise men think jealousy is a disease. Is there a cure? I do not know. But I think it is contagious. Everyone is jealous of someone or the other. May be it is a inherited disease. I seem to be jealous of my best friends. When I should be happy for them.
There are cousins of Jealousy too: Competition and Rivalry. I am afraid of them. I do not know if it is true, the rumour mills say that Anger and Hatred are children of Jealousy. They serve at its command. As its power rises, so does theirs. But they are the young kids on the block, they can operate on their own too at times. Collaborating and conspiring with others.
You know what they can do.
The old man once told a story of two wolves to his grandson. The wolves are mighty, powerful and agile. The alphas. Gold and Grey. The golden wolf wants you to make friends. Trust them, but with caution and live with the consequences. The other offers more compelling advice: The truth is you can not trust anyone. No one is here to help you. Everyone is here to build his own life and you are but a small part of it.
The wolves are fighting for your attention. They want you to choose one and starve the other to death.
The grandson said, “Who wins?”
The wise man said, “The one you feed.”
Our emotions are not our compass, they are our fuel. They can lead us wherever we want to go. The destination of the voyage must be sought with rationality. That’s what makes us human — the balance. Once decided, we must lose ourselves in the ocean of feelings.
Let them find us, rescue us or better, kill us.
Beginning today, I will write at least once or twice a month. I will soon share my experience in marketing for a non-profit and what you can take away from it.
Does that sound like a good idea? Do you have any suggestions for me? I am waiting to hear what you have to say, just hit reply!
Waiting to hear from you,
Love,
Nirant Kasliwal
PS: Find what I write on Medium and Quora.